@mynameisntdave: I got robbed last night but in the best way possible: I was pickpocketed which means I didn't even have to talk to the person who robbed me.
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@robdelaney: Enrages me when I see guys using cute dogs to pick up chicks. It's like, why did I have kids.
@Tmoney68: Stephen Hawking says artificial intelligence could destroy the human race. Sorry Stephen, but my money's on LACK of intelligence.
@bourgeoisalien: I'm so lazy, if I got kidnapped I’d just think, “Well, this is where I live now.”
@C3Ballin: Life was simpler when photo albums were books containing pleasant family snaps and not digital online librarys of me puking in a shoe.