@mynameisntdave: I got robbed last night but in the best way possible: I was pickpocketed which means I didn't even have to talk to the person who robbed me.
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@Home_Halfway: We all make fun of Kristen Stewart for her wide variety of facial expressions, but she'd probably kick all our asses in poker.
@DuaneABarrett: Just overheard someone say, "I wish I had a Kindle that never ran out of batteries." You know. Like a book.
@UrFavAsianGuy: I ate my dog because it ate my homework. Just kidding, I ate it because I'm Asian.
@aka_fatman: [Scene: Cloud City. Two men fight each other with lightsabers] Mario: You-a kill my father! Wario: No. I am-a your father. Mario: Mama-mia!