@dance_blessed: I got this "breathe" tattoo because I don't have a central nervous system and it's a helpful reminder.
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@BDGarp: I’m sitting next to a beautiful woman at a bar so now it’s only a matter of time before nothing happens.
@LostFelicia: If you've never gotten stuck in a dress you tried on over your clothes in the middle of a clothing store, then you're not me.
@primawesome: The power steering went out in my car. Rather than fix it I've decided to get stronger.
@TheHyyyype: ME: i honestly only had one drink WIFE: i don't believe a word you just said ME: no, i swear *pulls out dictionary* they're all real