@FilthyRichmond: I got tired of our restroom smelling like other people's crap so I placed a chunk of mine behind the hot air vent.
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@215potter: Thank god my brother's getting his PhD, I was running out of ways to disappoint my parents.
@13spencer: Ted Cruz is complaining about "liberal fascism," so I guess he's just stringing random unrelated words together, like "potato doorknob."
@PhuckinCody: BANK ROBBER: everyone on the ground and drop whatever is in your hands!! ME: [holding a $9 Starbucks coffee, a tear rolls down my cheek] no