@FilthyRichmond: I got tired of our restroom smelling like other people's crap so I placed a chunk of mine behind the hot air vent.
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@TheMichaelRock: Computer: do you want to save the changes? Me: I....I didn't make any changes...OMG DID I MAKE CHANGES
@SamuelHLowe: - Hello, princess. Can I call you princess? - No. - OK then, Mr. Smith, let's just get started with your prostate exam.
@CurlsOnGirls: I love people who order coffee like they're giving the pass code to a missile defense system.