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@UnFitz: "I got you, babe."
@RandomManik: Every crime show turns into sitcom when the cops bring the husband for questioning and he asks,
"Why would anyone want to kill their wife?"
@Marcmywords2: Sometimes I'll purposely spill gravy
on my pants to give me an excuse
to leave early.
The real trick is sneaking the gravy
@IMBeanz: When I'm really bored at work I like to write "I'm watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
@mattgallo123: People ask me, "Matt, how do you do it?" , "Matt, what's your secret?" , "Matt, why do you make up imaginary interview questions?"
@bonehugsnirony: The best way to move on after a breakup is to be open to trying new things. Today I'm throwing rocks at joggers.