@5exyunchained: I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn't 6 hours long.
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@NEthingButWork: Dentist: How often do you floss? Me: Daily Dentist: *Pulls fully grown centaur from between my 2nd and 3rd molars*
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: What did you like most about your last job? ME: *leans in way too close* Leaving it.
@LoriLuvsShoes: A CW told me for the 50th time that her baby learned how to walk so I told her"if you really wanna impress me lmk when it learns how to fly"