@StellaGMaddox: I grounded my kid from electronics for a week and now he won't stop talking to me and I think I've made a horrible mistake.
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@iwearaonesie: wife: Why didn't you talk to me about renting a bouncy house?! me [stops jumping]: You would have said no
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Palin: I'm seriously considering a presidential run. Reporter: Do you even know what the word seriously means? Palin: Don't refudiate me.
@glu_ben: I've limited my friends to 3 people that know how to split a dinner bill w/o causing a fiasco and life has been awesome since.
@E_lok44: *puts down window Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Yes *puts up window and drives away