@DaddyJew: Judging by this line at Costco it doesn't look like I'll ever see my family again. Sweet.

@Reverend_Scott: We need a ride home. "I called a Gruber" Don't you mean an Uber? [villain from 1988 Die Hard arrives in black Prius]

@TSDD24: HER: Let's do some role playing ME: Okay, be ur sister HER: I was thinking a sexy profession.. ME: Oh okay. What's ur sister do for work?

@UNTRESOR: I wish there was some sort of idiom to describe how easily I just took that lollipop from that infant.

@CakeThrottle: If Jesus was a cat we'd have nine Easters.