@69underachiever: I guess I'm getting old. Now when I hear "Pour Some Sugar On Me" I think of 2 things. Who's cleaning it up and I hope we don't get ants.
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@ericsshadow: [first date] HIM: Can I call you sometime? HER: [slowly slides napkin over phone] You can't... I lost my phone
@KeetPotato: therapist: "remember there are no stupid questions" wife: "okay" therapist: "keith you start" me: "do sharks ever need to have a bath?"
@WilliamAder: Unable to stop their phones and washing machines from exploding, Samsung announced today they're changing their name to the ACME Corp.