@69underachiever: I guess I'm getting old. Now when I hear "Pour Some Sugar On Me" I think of 2 things. Who's cleaning it up and I hope we don't get ants.
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@GrantTanaka: parents, please remember to teach your children not to talk to strangers, you know how boring your children are
@XplodingUnicorn: My wife says I'm wasting my time on Twitter. She doesn't understand the meaningful interactions I have with people.
@hellohappy_time: "Hope you don't mind, I just like to smoke a little after sex" I say tossing the entire body of a salmon over a charcoal pit
@TheMichaelRock: What's up with these people in Pakistan getting stoned to death? What kind of weed are they growing there?