@emmyblotnick: I guess "Victoria's Secret Angel" does sound better than "flightless pantybird"
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@: What’s the dumbest thing you bought when you were drunk? I spent $30 on fish food and I don’t have a fish
@TheTalkingPipe: The milk in my fridge went bad. It beat up my orange juice and started selling meth to all the condiments.
@ILikeFaucet: Boss: Dan why is your hand raised? Me: can I go to the bathroom? Boss: Dan you're 23. This is a business meeting Me: so that's a yes?