@emmyblotnick: I guess "Victoria's Secret Angel" does sound better than "flightless pantybird"
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@the_anastasia: My friend is so stupid she thought Alabama is a city. Don't worry, I informed her Alabama is the president.
@ktmcburr: Great shoulder tattoo. I bet butterflies are really significant to you and have shaped you into the person you are today, right?
@DanMentos: [at dentist] so your X-rays look grea- *phone rings* hold on *on phone* a new engine? jesus, ok so as I was saying you have several cavities
@therealeatwood: ME: What an emotional roller coaster ROLLER COASTER: [calling out to me as I exit the park] Why are you leaving??!! Is it something I said?