@KentWGraham: I guess writing “To Whom It May Concern” on the note of apology isn’t the wisest idea when your wife accuses you of being cold and impersonal.
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@GrantTanaka: When someone asks me how my day is, I like to say "Still kinda pissed about Hiroshima," & then start swearing in Japanese.
@RickAaron: Whole Foods just notified me that I've won a "Lifetime Supply of Fresh Kale" which in my case is one kale.
@BuckyIsotope: Ice, ice, baby. Ice, ice, baby. - Me taking inventory at the cryogenic infant storage facility.