@TheSharona06: I had a beautiful pearl of wisdom to tweet but I dropped it on the ground and one of my dogs ate it. I should have it back in 12 hours or so
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@david8hughes: [at the opera] Me: what's wrong with that guy Wife: shh! Me: but he's tiny, he can barely hold that violin Wife [whispers]: that's a cello
@WeedTveets: *about to check bank account* Me: "I'm guessing I should probably have about $200 left" *bank account*: $3.64 Me:
@TheDiLLon1: 1) Find short Irish guy 2) teach him to rap. 3) Become manager. Name him Leprechaunye West 4) wait for $ to roll in
@ahoytheboat: my criminal record is only clean because of how fast i can run with my pants around my ankles.