@SwedishCanary: I had a call from a charity asking me to donate old clothes for starving people. I told them anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving
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@garrydavenport: My local cinema was broken into last night and goods worth £15,000 stolen: a packet of popcorn and a medium Coke.
@highinamerica: Spell check changed "important" to "impotent" so basically I have a meeting in the morning that can't get it up.
@DontDraketheIce: Go to a botanical garden? Haha, yeah, okay. Like I want to pay money to walk through a giant salad