@SwedishCanary: I had a call from a charity asking me to donate old clothes for starving people. I told them anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving
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@JosesLovesYou: For my new tattoo, I'm totally getting a chest piece of a chess piece, cause its fun to be a pun.
@AristotlesNZ: Wife: Who let the boys out? Me: Woof woof woof! Her: Who let the boys out?! Me: Woof woof woof! Her: KIDS ARE IN THE STREET! Me: I'm going..
@EndhooS: Girl: So, your dating profile says you enjoy long walks by the sea & making ur own wine? Jesus: ON Girl: What? Jesus: Long walks ON the sea
@SortaBad: i imagine the people who slaved for years perfecting the google search algorithm would be so mad knowing i mainly use it now for spellcheck