@pauleggleston: I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was, like, 0mg!
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@gabeserra: Power's been out for 40 minutes and the kids are asking why I haven't put new batteries in the house yet...
@NoticablyBacon: *Meeting GF parents* What are your intentions with our daughter? Uh I need someone to sing the girl parts of Grease songs with me
@Jake_Vig: THEM: Let's head down to Paradise City. I heard the girls are really hot there. ME: What's the grass situation?