@pauleggleston: I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was, like, 0mg!
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SteveSuckington: [job interview] "What's your.." *interrupts* -My greatest strength is my work ethic "Well played. Welcome to the psychic friends network"
@MichLKosinski: Music teacher comes to our house. Gives our kid a significant, noticeable haircut. Tells no one. Then leaves. !!!
@RoosterMustache: Assert dominance over your boss by choosing an elevator button higher than the one he picked & act like its a big deal to wait for his floor