@Carmel_Coleman: I had a dream I was going to the zoo to throw poop at the monkeys. No, not my own poop, thats just gross. Poop I found on the way to zoo.
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@SteveSackington: For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to 'Brandy from the club' then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am. #topahole
@LostFelicia: I have a habit of 5 starring bad movies on amazon because if I wasted 90+ minutes on that crap, I want you to suffer too.
@AndyAsAdjective: [1st date] WAITER: and how would you like your steak, miss? HER: definitely not wooden *winks across table* DRACULA: *just glares at her*
@b0dymassage: "HELP!" Joe pants. "WHAT IS IT JOE?" I belt. "I THINK SOMEBODY SWITCHED OUR ARTICULATORY VERBS WITH CLOTHING WORDS." He cardigans.