@causticbob: I had a few too many beers at an art exhibition and threw up all over the floor. Someone offered me three grand for it.
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@dougbies: I like long, romantic walks away from women that try catching the bouquet at weddings
@TheToddWilliams: [high seas] FIRST MATE: I can't wait to see my wife again PIRATE: Land Ho! FIRST MATE: Now look, that's a little rude
@EtobicokeErnie: My neighbour is on his front porch wearing a Halloween mask and oven mitts while trying to remove a wasps nest. This should be interesting.
@GuyThe_Guy: "Is there a Mr. Fields?" I say to my twelfth cookie, all the while knowing she's all mine.