@causticbob: I had a few too many beers at an art exhibition and threw up all over the floor. Someone offered me three grand for it.
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@BuckyIsotope: *hires sky writer to propose to psychic girlfriend* WILL YOU MARRY ME *2nd planes flies by 5 seconds later* HELL NO
@Jazzzzzmina: After watching Honey Boo Boo, I realize America has much bigger problems than the national debt.
@sucittaM: I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy".