@causticbob: I had a few too many beers at an art exhibition and threw up all over the floor. Someone offered me three grand for it.
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@notalogin: First they came for the people who say "Awesome sauce," and I said nothing, because, frankly, those people deserve it.
@garrydavenport: Me: "If Americans say 'sidewalk', what do we mean in England?" My six year old: "Crab!"
@Mwass_: So I had self diagnosed back problems and went to check out orthopedic mattresses. I would like to testify that the price tag healed me.
@Bexdora: INTERVIEWER: It says here you can communicate telepathically? ME: IN: Is this an ability you have always had? ME: IN: Please say something.