@Betfairpoker: I had a fight once. "You should see the other guy!" I said. My wife agreed. She's been seeing him for years now, they're a lovely couple.
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@EyeSeeYou619: Skrillex sounds like that time I threw a bag of beer bottles into an empty dumpster & a homeless dude yelled jibberish at me for waking him.
@rockymomax: Bank robber: EVERYONE BE CALM AND NO ONE GETS HURT Guy from back of room: IM DATING UR EX WIFE BR: [sobbing] ok only one person gets hurt
@TheWoodenslurpy: Me: If I were you, I’d confront your boss Friend: You would? Me: I wouldn’t. If I were you, I would. If it were me, I’d do what you’re doing
@PJTLynch: Girl, are you Excel? Because I claim to know you but I'm probably oblivious to 98% of what you're able to accomplish