@bridger_w: I had a jacket stolen from me tonight. My enemies will stop at nothing to keep me from maintaining a comfortable body temperature in style
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@TheJamieLee: Whenever someone says they hate cats and they're all shitty and snobby about it, I'm like, "Weird cuz you behave JUST like one."
@thatUPSdude: Cop: Reason I pulled you over was you were swerving Me: Sorry was tryin to catch a Pokémon Cop: Which one!? I mean let me see your license
@chelliet22: Maybe the reason you're not having *sexual intercourse* is because you call it sexual intercourse.