@LOsepyan: I had a one night stand yesterday..but then today I decided to return it to ikea
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@WilliamRodgers: [Bruce Willis on his deathbed] Bruce: Viagra! Dr: Bruce this isn't the time- Bruce: Give me...a Viagra! Dr: Ok *Bruce Dies...Hard*
@matt_simpson84: Relationship status: went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
@Lanecat2: You shouldn't have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since you walked there.