@LOsepyan: I had a one night stand yesterday..but then today I decided to return it to ikea
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@Tommytoughstuff: ME: (ordering for my date) What do you recommend for the lady? HOT DOG VENDOR: Hot dogs.
@FormerGrunt: Stupidity is dangerous, and thanks to social media we have managed to weaponize it.
@CornOnTheGoblin: "You promise you didn't get me bees again" [me from a distance] just open it