@Try2StopME: I had a pretty confused childhood because I thought obituaries are actually advertisements selling dead people.
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@QwertyJones3: Kid: Daddy can I give some of my candy to that duck? Me: No, ducks only eat things they find in nature, like bread.
@abhorrent_wife: I'm at my sexiest when I find the grown out patch of hair on the outside of my ankle I missed with the razor the last 17 times I shaved.
@SteveSuckington: "Why did u jump off that bridge?" My friend did it too "Well if your friend jumped off a bridge would u?" Yes. I literally just said that
@AmericanGent69: Me: *leads her to bedroom* This is where the magic happens. Her: Nice *4 rabbits jump out of a hat as a flower squirts water in her eye