@BritXNic: I had an affair with English. Since then, Math and I don't speak.
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@doktorj: ER: Ma'am, are you allergic to any medications? Me: I'm not answering your silly questions until you give me the wifi password.
@Brampersandon_: [bald eagles exchanging gifts] *holds out gift* You didn't get me a toupee again, did you? -Uhh... *slowly pulls gift back*
@QwertyJones3: Parenting styles often relax as you have more kids. For example my 1st born ate only all-natural, organic food. My 2nd eats broken glass.
@AJEatsCake: Making French toast is a lot like making regular toast. The only difference is that you use your tongue.