@olerunkbitch: I had no idea we were millionaires until I just saw my husband casually rip off 3 or 4 paper towels at once.
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@jake_likes_naps: [Ouija board in Starbucks] "Speak to me spirits" O M G H A V E U S E E N W H A T K R I S T Y I S W E A R I N G G R O S S
@Midgetspar: I like to ask girls if they wanna take a shower with me then hand them a ski mask and drive to Lowe's.
@BAnderson_30: Good thing Brazil won...otherwise I'm pretty sure they would've just cancelled the rest of the World Cup.
@LaurelleMartin: My boys are gamers and I'm single It's like a race to see who can use the most batteries