@cynicanoldicus: I had pamphlets printed up for when someone asks what's wrong with me.
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@Reverend_Scott: [guy in dark alley] Psst. Hey, lady... *opens trench coat* CHECK OUT- *dozens of bibles fall out* -our Lord and savior Jesus Christ
@DurtMcHurtt: [family feud] Steve Harvey: Top 5 answers on the board, name a place you would plant evidence... Me: *buzzes first* EVIDENCE GARDEN
@jus4golf: When my wife and I married we both agreed we would never go to sleep angry. Neither of us has slept in 16 years.