@primawesome: Too bad the dinosaurs didn't have a Bruce Willisaurus to fly into space and blow that asteroid up.

@BrassBallsCJ: Friend: I'm just not sure if she's into me. Me: Try faking your death. If she brings a date to your funeral, I'd say that's a hard no.

@Glenny_Baby: I dated a girl that wore a mood ring. When happy it would be a pretty blue colour. When she was mad it made a big oval mark on my forehead.

@ChrissieM10: Pandas are proof that you can get fat from just eating salad.

@PaulSchissler: People are lot less judgey when you say you ate an 'avocado salad' instead of a bowl of guacamole