@SufficientCharm: I had sex and all I got were these kids.
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@MomOfTeen: Me: Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Padre: What is your sin, my child? Me: Twitter. Padre: Wow, if I had a nickel for every time . . .
@FannyB1tch: Was glancing through the Obituaries this morning and found it really creepy that all these people managed to die in alphabetical order.
@sarahkendzior: Found newspaper from day my son was born. Originally saved so he could see news of that day. Now saving so he can see what a newspaper was.
@hippieswordfish: ME: i need a loan so i can build a robot army to take over the world with BANKER: what M: oops i meant 'with which to take over the world'