@SufficientCharm: I had sex and all I got were these kids.
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@BoogTweets: Her: stop kicking everything you don’t feel like picking up under the refrigerator Me: why *from under the refrigerator* *baby noises*
@JediGigi: Me: You're such a good boy. Dog: *tail wagging* Please leave the room so I can eat the couch.
@CornOnTheGoblin: We have to operate now if the cancer spreads anymore you won't be able to tell the difference between people & food "Are you nuts?" Dear God
@MyMomologue: The loudest sound on Earth is my child asking an inappropriate question about another customer at the grocery store.