@Kim_pulsive: I had sex twice in 24hours and I'm so glad that I have 4000 people to brag about it to
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@stevevsninjas: Bear Grylls: *cuts with knife* These can be edible, but I must avoid the toxic parts. Taco Bell Manager: You need permission to film in here
@CheetoBandito77: This lady cashier asked me if I wanted it "double bagged"...I said "No, you're not THAT ugly..." And that's why I'm not allowed in Target.
@tastefactory: INTERVIEWER: What are your strengths? APPLICANT: I'm a detail-oriented team player [nothing wacky happens because this is a job interview]