@Crowetoons: "I had the worst Cruise ever." - Katie Holmes
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@XplodingUnicorn: [hardware store] Me: Let me do the talking. This is man stuff Wife: Fine Clerk: Can I help you? Me: I need a whacker thingy to hit nails
@briangaar: Sometimes I'm playing a dangerous game like Halo & people ask if I get scared but honestly no, your training just takes over
@shariv67: We asked George, the office conspiracy theorist, to organize the Christmas party to show him how impossible it is to get a group of people to work together towards a common goal.
@Parker_Simpson: The year is 2065. Every adjective once used to describe another person is now deemed offensive. Noone's left their homes in years.