@Canadian_Cutie_: I had to use a rotary phone to try to get concert tickets so don't you tell me Ticket Master online is taking too long
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@Rollinintheseat: Donald Trump always looks like he's trying to apply lip gloss in a rear view mirror.
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "Do you want to watch Batman Forever?" Me: "I'll watch it for a couple of hours." Wife: "I hate you."
@WhatevaConc: Before saying anything like "you have really soft hands for a man", just be like so goddamned sure they're a man.