@bea_ker: I had two ribs removed so I could pet small dogs easier.
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@JermHimselfish: Dance like nobody's watching. Paint like your girlfriend doesn't text you too much. Sing like you didn't struggle with algebra in 9th grade.
@Juan_Incognito: I was licking this girl all over her face right up until she explained to me what doggy style was.
@bea_ker: That's the third time Adam Sandler's scootered past my house this morning. Dude if you want to go on my trampoline just ask
@autocorrects: I don't understand why some snacks are "fun-sized", there's really nothing "fun" about having a smaller portion of food.