@jus4golf: I hang out with people smarter than me so when the zombies attack they will eat their brains first while I escape. Who's the idiot now Mom!?
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@ThaJawn: *breathes on window creating condensation *starts to write in condensation *sneezes *head slams into window and breaks it
@markedly: To the 4 people today who tried to prank me and failed, eat it jerks. To the 13 who succeeded, guys can u pls delete the photos of me crying
@shatty48: Don't ever look away from a police officer. Just stare him down. You don't wanna look suspicious.
@simoncholland: Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels.