@pattonoswalt: I hate all the "creepy clown" news. I'm having a clown solidarity march at dusk near an abandoned insane asylum. Need a calliope player.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Can you hold my rubber ducky? Me: *takes the ducky* Why? 4: I dropped it in the toilet.
@utofellatio: Obama: we need to create a plan to reduce pollution Biden: *turns from watching captain planet* have you asked the planeteers for help?