@pattonoswalt: I hate all the "creepy clown" news. I'm having a clown solidarity march at dusk near an abandoned insane asylum. Need a calliope player.
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@UncleDuke1969: Mrs. Potato Head: OH MY GOD! Mr. Potato Head: What? Mrs. PH: Your browser history. Mr. PH: I can explain! Mrs. PH: TATER TOTS YOU PERVERT?!?
@rockymomax: [oval office] SECRETARY: (shrieks) there's a dead rat on my desk! PRESIDENT WHO IS A CAT: wow someone must really like you *winks*
@OfficeofSteve: when I was little, I drugged the milk to catch Santa. Next morning I found my dad passed out on the stairs. Well played Santa..