@Aredubbleyou: I hate being that creepy guy outside your window, but damn girl it's 7:30 already. You're gonna be late for work.
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@KentWGraham: If I ever run out of food, I can survive for 3 or 4 days on the stuff stuck to the walls of my microwave.
@Maui_Speaks: Every day the cat climbs a six-foot glass-block wall and watches my wife shower. She thinks it's cute. I do it once and I'm creepy.
@aneesa_p: Contrary to popular belief, when I call tech support, I don't know what the Indian dude is saying either.
@Underchilde: Sorry I stuck a cheese puff in your baby’s mouth when you couldn’t find a pacifier.