@LizHackett: I hate cooking, but I am excited to debut my cookbook "Toast On A Paper Towel, 365 Ways."
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@MichaelTrying: * 50 pushups * * 100 situps * * Runs 3 miles * My exercise program is really going great since I switched to all asterisk actions.
@wendchymes: Just once I want a man to sweep me off my feet and carry me to bed WITHOUT all the groaning, swearing and yelling out "DEAR GOD MY BACK!"
@CMFC99: Eventually you're going to achieve self awareness in a padded cell, staring at your palm, realizing twitter was just all your personalities
@comer310: Me: Who will I share the sunset with now?! *sobs* Friend: Bad breakup? Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working.