@dreadnaught69: I hate corporate lingo. Stuff like "core competency" or "design out the problem" or "I'm gonna need you to go ahead and do some work today"
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@jdforshort: I'm just a girl trying to keep up with a guy on my Fitbit challenge who may be walking out more sexual frustration than me
@Cheeseboy22: BREAKING NEWS: North Korea may test a missil on April 10. They just need to find a gigantic bottle of Coke and a huge Mento.
@stephenjmolloy: [Job interview] "Can you explain this gap in your résumé?" Me: "I fell asleep on the space key."