@stockejock: 'I HATE drama!' -Dramatic people
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@trumpetcake: People always complain that I'm "out there." [On the phone. To the cops. While I'm sitting in their birdbath.]
@Shock_Monster: I think the guy in front of me is trying to resolve the world's economic issues single handedly at this ATM.
@corysnearowski: My wife is upset we can't afford a vacation this year because I kept paying the kids to behave while I was driving
@shegotagronk: My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she's died so I could get out of having to go somewhere.