@iAmDelFreaky: I hate grocery shopping. That's why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I'm getting, but it sure is faster.
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@DanMentos: "do you know why I pulled one over on you?" becau- wait what? "I'm not a real cop lol" haha nice! *pulls gun* "I am taking your car though"
@abbycohenwl: [Buzzfeed for Cats] 6 THINGS THAT WILL MAKE U BOLT FROM THE ROOM -Vacuum cleaner -Walls -The floor -Air -Yourself -Nothing. Nothing at all
@Thing_Finder: Someone stole my identity. And then sent it back with $100 and a note that said "So sorry man. Hope things work out."
@blade_funner: Look picnics, if I wanted to spend three hours protecting my food with a spork, I'd just go to prison.