@politicalmath: I hate hipsters. Their smug faces, vegan diet, tiny feet & sawdust bedding. No wait. Hamsters. I hate hamsters.
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@BambamVictoria: My boyfriend said to surprise him for his birthday so I moved all my stuff into his house while he was at work.
@withanewname: [breaking up with girlfriend via the jumbotron] "Hey, check out the scoreboard while I grab a hot dog."
@tigersgoroooar: I bet there are at least a few seconds when a tiger is chasing you where you look back and are like, "awwww..."
@Canadian_Cutie_: My voicemail greeting: Its 2016, please hang up and text me before the beep so I don't get a notification.