@FattMernandez: I hate horror movies where everything goes back to normal at the end. You just had a demon inside you, but yeah, let's go for pancakes.
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@goldengateblond: There's a crying baby on my bus and I'm all "shut up baby, you're not the one going to work."
@singwithTaffy: Please, by all means, call my landline. I'll reply with a postcard attached to a helium balloon
@: ME WATCHING OLYMPIC EVENT: “Holy shit that was amazing!” COMMENTATOR: “Ooh, that was not good at all. He must really be upset with himself.”