@imence2: I hate how every single day my ex wife just keeps waking up!
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@BuckyIsotope: Brought a ninja to a gunfight and it was really cool. Everyone clapped. Then they shot him.
@omgthatspunny: The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material.
@UNTRESOR: You should never go grocery shopping when you're hungry and never go clothes shopping when you're naked.