@MrSpoonicorn: i hate it when i eat a slice of bread and it grows into a bread tree in my stomach
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@ArfMeasures: GF: What's my biggest flaw? ME: You haven't got any, you're perfect, I love you GF: No come on, I mean pacifically ME: We should split up
@BradBroaddus: My rear view mirror broke off. No biggie, I'll just put one of my contact lenses in backwards.