@aimlessamers: I hate it when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I'm not even an actor.
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@somelightcrying: [think of idiom] firing on all cylinders [post tweet w/ idiom + literal interpretation] mr. on all cylinders, ur fired [wait for 100+ faves]
@simoncholland: [at preschool open house hearing nut allergy policy] *raises hand* What if I draw a peanut on her napkin? Wife: Please go wait in the car
@ImaFlyontheWall: Wears a black shirt to a first dates house to see if shes lying about having cats