@TommyKarate: I hate it when I get my days mixed up and I accidentally take my stupid wife out instead of my girlfriend.
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@DanMentos: [at funeral] "it was so sudden" really? "yeah right in the middle of rap battle" I thought you said he died of dysentery TERRY: That's right
@DirtMcTurd: [Giraffes at gym] "What do you want to work on today?" Well we did neck day yesterday, and the day before. "So...neck day again" You bet
@justabloodygame: "I didn't choose the thug life." I explain, entering an institution of higher learning.
@theevilwriter: You seem like the type of person I might give my heart to, but as nervously as I'd be watching a drunk holding a newborn.