@sarcasticmommy4: I hate it when I go to hide out from my kids in the walk-in closet & my husband is already in there hiding out from me.
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@Mr_Kapowski: [helping my kid with contractions] Me: Would've Her: Would have M: Nice. I'll H: I will M: Good. Won't H: Won not M: Excellent
@kcmoore51: 11: You know what would be really ironic? Me: No, what? 11: If someone died in their...living room. The Twitter is strong in this one.
@reczit: Smartphone owners are the bravest. They're not afraid of anything not even death. They can walk into any running truck without giving a damn
@Underchilde: [Minister]: Do you take this woman to be your lawful— [Groom]: I’m just here for the open bar.