@Underchilde: I hate it when I have lots of visitors but only enough chloroform for one and have to use it on myself.
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@GaryJanetti: Apple is developing an iPhone that pregnant women can swallow so fetuses can go online since they have nothing else to do in there.
@kelkulus: If you believe that no great story ever started with someone eating a salad, then you're using the wrong kind of mushrooms.
@chuuew: ME: I'm as strong as a box! HER: Surely you mean "ox"? ME: [easily collapses after getting wet from tears]