@JohnLyonTweets: I hate it when I try to impress a date by taking her to a nice restaurant and she orders something that isn't on my coupon.
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@omerwahaj: The new iPhone 7 is just a slower, heavier, thicker, and much less attractive version of the iPhone 8.
@krustythe_klown: Dearly beloved, we are gathered her today to place bets on how long this marriage will last because these idiots met 2 months ago.
@stockejock: Twitter reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, 'Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?'