@OuterJohn: I hate it when I'm digging my own grave at gunpoint and I discover buried treasure.
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@Marlebean: "I have to eat every 7 minutes or I get cranky." "Ma'am, that's not a valid reason to be excused from jury duty."
@fuqtarded: On the street or subway you can only imagine what that idiot is thinking. On Twitter, you get to see what that idiot is thinking.
@ericacanrant: If you say I'm getting fat again Aunt Betty, I'll make a "anything for 5 dollars" ad on Craigslist with your name and number.