@sarcasticmommy4: I hate it when I'm on twitter & there isn't a car behind me to honk when the light is green.
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@iGreenMonk: TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
@cray_at_home_ma: There are actually only two stages of parenthood: having children, and having children who can reach things on countertops.
@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is being chased by a pug. he jumps in a taxi and escapes. he breathes a sigh of relief. the driver turns around. it's the pug
@shadonium: Me: do you love me? Siri: I'm only your assistance. Me: if you don't, I will jump off a bridge. Siri:there are two bridges near you.