@sarcasticmommy4: I hate it when I'm on twitter & there isn't a car behind me to honk when the light is green.
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@Papa_Mex: I learned that you transfer more germs shaking hands than kissing....It didn't take HR long to stop me from introducing myself to women...
@AnkCoupleTO: Me: [stands under majestic tree watching leaves fall] This is beautiful [2 hours later buried under a mountain of leaves] you piece of shit
@WhosTheresa: I could've had a kid with a heroin addiction but Noooo. Instead my kid wants to join a Christian rock band.
@ch000ch: "My fellow Americans-" Barack "we are working tirelessly-" Sir "to make sure-" Barack. You're still wearing ur xbox headset