@sarcasticmommy4: I hate it when I'm on twitter & there isn't a car behind me to honk when the light is green.
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@TheBeerGuy73: *goes to the gym* *takes a selfie & posts it on Facebook for the wife to see* *hurries to the bar*
@WilliamAder: Told my wife that Hooters is an owl rescue sanctuary where I'm doing important volunteer work.
@WittySassBasket: I'm most freaked when I take the dog out after dark and remember it's stupid white girls like me that are killed first in horror movies.