@WakeVII: I hate it when I'm trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
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@fro_vo: asked my dentist out but she brushed me off, said she only dates plaque guys Not gonna paste any more time on that cavitease, it’s her floss
@TheNardvark: TRAIN TIP: A few minutes before the train arrives at your destination, get up and crowd around the exit so you can wait faster.
@yonewt: Sometimes I get flustered by waitresses and I say things like "Abso-fruit-ly!" and they laugh like I'm so clever but we both know