@jlock17: I hate it when my sock puppets fight. I don't have a free hand to break them up.
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@MrsRupertPupkin: My cat tried to knock over my TV this morning. WHY ARE MY BEST FRIENDS FIGHTING?!
@TheBoydP: If candy bars can be called cereal bars to make them sound healthy then why can't alcohol be called cereal drink?
@XplodingUnicorn: When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?" When I do her hair: "How about a hat?"