@jlock17: I hate it when my sock puppets fight. I don't have a free hand to break them up.
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@lecalabara: Her: Which actress would you like to get stuck in an elevator with? Me: One who knows how to fix elevators.
@Shelts99: All women want to be swept off their feet, until you push them into the sea. Dating is hard!
@mortimermaiden: [science fair] Kid: I made a volcano! Judge: *trampling children* EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!