@LaniBeno: I hate it when people don't behave the way I thought they would when I rehearsed the conversation in my head.
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@xosm: Kid: would you rather be the Evil Queen or the Wicked Witch? M: I'd rather be the Mom K: ooh, right. Much scarier.
@TheDairylandDon: To avoid small talk with neighbors I've taken to checking the mail in the middle of the night like some kinda raccoon with bills.
@BlindChow: DOG COP: sir, you ran a gray light DOG DRIVER: it was gray! COP: no, it was gray! DRIVER: gray! COP: *starts barking* DRIVER: *barking*